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My Inner Demons...
20 most recent entries

Date:2005-12-02 12:22
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: good

Today's Cats Birthday. I made her a card, but me and my father were unable to go out yesterday to buy her something. Thus is why I've come up with this foolproof plan to get her something when my dad gets here. ^_^....;
Well anyways I was bored last night, and I felt like writing, if you ask me nicely I may send it to you or somethin else but people dont really seem to read my Lj, because I have random ass posts, on random ass days like today. ^_^

My birthday is 25 days away, Christmas is 23, Isnt this a scary thought? God! I thought that when December started (is now talking about when he was only 3'0") that Christmas was the longest thing away... And now.. Its like Too Close... Wow.

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Date:2005-11-05 16:41
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: ditzy

Tucker: "Church...is trying to get...a translator...so that we...can talk...to eachother."

Church: "Tucker, the enormous alein doesn't speak our language, speaking slowly is not gonna help."

Tucker: "What? I'm talking to Caboose!"

Church: "Oh."

Caboose: "I don't understand...are..are you hungry? Tucker are you hungry? Are you cold?"

Church: "What? No."

Caboose: "Do you need a blanket? Tucker do you want some hotdogs in a blanket?"

Tucker: "Damnit No! Caboose i'm not cold, i don't want a hotdog, and if you put mustard in my fucking sheets again i'm gonna kill you!"


Dude... RvB... oh my gawds... I know its been a long time since I posted but meh.. I've had somethings to do.

"Get up! Everyone's gonna move there feet! Get down! Everybody gonna leave there seat."

I've been alright all things consitered. Moving around without a cause, my 18th b-day is comin up soon.. Honestly Im scared of turning 18. This marks that I really have to be of some use in my house... My dad's starting a store/pc lab. So I'll atleast get a job. Hopefuly We'll find a place where we can have the store and the pc lab connected. I dunno.. anyways more later.

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Date:2005-06-22 01:56
Subject:*sighs*
Security:Public
Mood: content

Alright, so Im home, reading up on Farming and I just found out that Blizzard being the dumbass company that it is has chosen to ban accounts that you've payed for via E-bay or some random site. This doesnt seem like a very good start to my new career as a farmer... You know Im agaist hacking. But people put there time and there money into the game, and sometimes people just want to go on, hack some creatures down, and I understand that. But you know other people should be able to invest there time and said money in paying others for items/gold/charaters. I find it silly that Bungie is going to sell there levels for Halo 2, and thats pretty pointless... But Blizzard isnt willing to allow the gamers pay to gain in a game that like EQ would sap hundreds of dollares from you and have no way of gaining the money, plus the fact that Blizzard will erase your account if you dont log on to your account within the month... X__X
Here's a link if your interested...
http://www.gamasutra.com/php-bin/news_index.php?story=5119


In other news I've started playing a game called Maple Story, its a pretty random game. You get owned by cute mushrooms... *cringe* And so I have learned to fear the cute things...

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Date:2005-05-20 13:24
Subject:
Security:Public

Ah.. What can I say? Its pre hell week, no one reads this anyway so I havent been posting lately.. Well all I have to say is... Things are going to turn out for the greater good.

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Date:2005-04-29 11:11
Subject:Let me tell you a story
Security:Public
Mood: blah

Dance of Death-Track 5-Dance Of Death-Iron Maiden.

Let me tell you a story to chill the bones
About a thing that I saw
One night wandering in the everglades
I'd one drink but no more

I was rambling, enjoying the bright moonlight
Gazing up at the stars
Not aware of a presence so near to me
Watching my every move

Feeling scared and I fell to my knees
As something rushed me from the trees
Took me to an unholy place
And that is where I fell from grace

Then they summoned me over to join in with them
To the dance of the dead
Into the circle of fire I followed them
Into the middle I was led

As if time had stopped still I was numb with fear
But still I wanted to go
And the blaze of the fire did no hurt upon me
As I walked onto the coals

And I felt I was in a trance
And my spirit was lifted from me
And if only someone had the chance
To witness what happened to me

And I danced and I pranced and I sang with them
All had death in their eyes
Lifeless figures they were undead all of them
They had ascended from hell

As I danced with the dead
My free spirit was laughing and howling down at me
Below my undead body
Just danced the circle of dead

Until the time came to reunite us both
My spirit came back down to me
I didn't know if I was alive or dead
As the others all joined in with me

By luck then a skirmish started
And took the attention away from me
When they took their gaze from me
Was the moment that I fled

I ran like hell faster than the wind
But behind I did not glance
One thing that I did not dare
Was to look just straight ahead

When you know that your time has come around
You know you'll be prepared for it
Say your last goodbyes to everyone
Drink and say a prayer for it

When you're lying in your sleep, when you're lying in your bed
And you wake from your dreams to go dancing with the dead
When you're lying in your sleep, when you're lying in your bed
And you wake from your dreams to go dancing with the dead

To this day I guess I'll never know
Just why they let me go
But I'll never go dancing no more
'Til I dance with the dead
----------------------------------------------------------------

I had this odd dream I made out with my friend Jess... and then she tryed to give me a bj... O_o;; But then I told her it wasnt right because I had a GF, and that I had to go see her.. and we were doing a play about the Matrix.. It was uber scary... >.>;;; Ah... Remind me again why Im such a loser?

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Date:2005-01-21 12:04
Subject:Annnnd Now for the news weather and history report.
Security:Public

Hey everyone, I know I havent been posting lately well thats because
1) Internet in my room has been down,
2) Internet at school has blocked lj,
3) My dad hasnt fixed it yet.

So anyway I wanna tell you all about Whats happened! *Hears mad cheering in the back round, Bows* Thank you thank you, Now as you all know I Must hit this up with some music... (Hey its kinda like Cowboy Bebop only diffrent song everytime!)


-------------------------------------------------------------------
They Fall in line, one at a time,
Ready to play,
(I cant see them anyway)
No time to lose, We've got to move,
Steady your hand,
(I am losing site again)
Fire your guns, Its time to run,
Blow me away.
(I will stay unless I may)
After the fall we'll shake it off,
Show me the way,

Only the strongest will servive,
Lead me the heaven when we die,
I am a shadow on the wall,
I'll be the one to save us all,

Theres nothing,left so save your breath,
Lieing in wait,
(Caught inside this tidal wave)
Your cover's blown, Nowhere to go,
Holding your fate,
(Loaded I will walk alone)

Fire your guns, Its time to run,
Blow me away.
(I will stay unless I may)
After the fall we'll shake it off,
Show me the way,

Only the strongest will servive,
Lead me the heaven when we die,
I am a shadow on the wall,
I'll be the one to save us all.x2
---------------------------------------------------------------
Breaking Benjamin- Blow me away.

So lets start with my Christmas? Work up to my b-day and then maybe Newyears? then all the stuff since then? Sure why not.

DEC 25 Chrismas.

Im wondering when my mom's getting here, its been an hour since I last talked to her... Whatever she'll be here.

Cat called, We're picking her up aswell. Too bad John cant come along cause I cant get ahold of him.. Meh He'll be there for my b-day thought ^_^ I've gotten Halo 2, A trench and Full Spectrim warrior along with some other stuff, money and all that, oh and a robe and some slippers.. Anyways It looks like were going to my sis's aunt robins.. Anyways gotta go mom's here and all.

DEC 27 My b-day.
I gathered a bunch of my friends we played Halo 2 and we were going to play some D&D but then my grampa triped because I had a few friends over and we were playing Quitely... I'll never understand at this age why he cant stand them.. Meh his loss there great people. Lets see Ima get a head count, Theres John he was the first here, Cat, Richard, Caroline, and Dexter oh and myself. We went down to Medevil times we got Red and Yellow.... (Damn it.. I wanted Green!) He died against the Black and White knight... HE CHEATED HE TOOK A STAB TO THE CHEST AND IT DIDNT FASE HIM!!! I mean.... wtf? Other then that I got 15 bucks from Cari, 20 from Dex, and I dunno how much from Richard, Cat gave me love for my b-day and if she gave me a present I dunt remeber, But her and my friends being there was all I really needed. Oh yeah we went to CL insted of playing D&D because of my grampa and played some WC3 and ownerised some bitchez.

AND ALL THE OTHER CRAP.

Stepmom's been pissed at me for... I dont know.. Jesus... So I desided not to go to school because of her bitch ass... Atleast thats something I can understand... oh I found out that Arisa's planing on going to Ax... I wondered what provoked her to do that... Oh yeah prolly because Im going to it..... *dies* Cats going to this thing too... Im gonna make sure that nothing goes wrong. If I can battle Cat's dad I can sure as hell hold off an army of the dead!

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Date:2004-12-09 21:02
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: okay

Im Losing Sight,
Dont Count on me,
I chase the sun,
It Chases me!
You know My Name, you know my face,
You'd know my heart if you knew my place,
I'll walk strait down far as I can go,

I fallow you, you fallow me,
I dont know why you lie so clean,
I break right through the Irony.

Enlighten me, Reveil my fate,
Just cut these strings that hold me safe,
You know my Head you know my face,
You'd know my heart if you knew YOUR place.
I'll walk strait down far as I can go.

I fallow you, You fallow me,
I dont know why you lie so clean,
I break right through the Irony.

I hate this way...

I fallow you, you fallow me,
I dont know why you lie so clean,
I break right through the Irony.
------------------------------------------
Breaking Benjamin, Fallow me.

Sorry I havent been around for a while... been kinda hectic lately with switchin my school and all.. *shrugs* Just more fun in my life. *Yawns* I got sick, been throwin up lately, some of its blood, I dont care though. Im getting through life, Though I dont think I'd be able to do half the things Im able to with out a will to live. I've been fighting through the Sickness, Through Pain, to get where I need to go. I've also desided to stop pittying myself.

You know on the 2nd of December, Cat's birthday. It was a bloody trail, I unenrolled from my school that day, Cat's Performance was that day too, I came home knowing that things would get better, Thats what I thought, guess not though seeing how my grampa had a note and a trashcan in my room saying if I didnt clean it up, He'd kick me out. You know I think he picked the Perfect day for that. Coming home was the second break down of the day. I mean it was hard coming home and Having your plans side tracked. Especaly with my room its like a Month of work with a team of 5 professional cleaners.. And I know everyone says that about there room, but trust me Its not a joke, I mean litteraly. (I dont know why December is a bad month for me.. You'd think it'd be great with Both my Birthday, and Christmas in it, Not to mention Winterbreak but hey its when all the crap seems to fall down on me. Hell my friends dont even come or call to say Happy Birthday, *Shrugs* I dont care though.) But yeah So I Started cleaning my room and thats when my dad told me "the Whole room or we're not going to Cat's performance." and I just freaked because I knew that was impossable. Somewhere in the middle of that break down I told myself I should just kill myself and get it over with... That I was useless, Just going to bring pain upon others.

I thought about it again, and then Cat flooded into my mind, It was her birthday. What a gift, To have a Police officer to walk after the performance and inform her I was dead. "Yeah Good Job Rex, Go ahead and do that. Not only you would die today." I told myself, You know This whole time I've wanted to do that I've always thought that I was consitering it because it was my only option, but you know what? No no it isnt, and its selfish that I would even think that, because theres so many people I'd be leaving behind. Anyone who consiters it is an Idiot, And I myself am included theres so much more to live for here, It isnt my time yet. And I'll continue to push through the Crap till I win. I dont know if any of you have seen Big Fish, but theres a quote in that movie that you should think about. "It was around that time that something my Father told me came to mind. He said 'Son, If something is tough then the thing at the end is even more worth it.'" So you know what Im figuring? If I push through all this then my life later on will be worth it. And If I go through Hell and I feel that it wasnt worth it, well then I didnt go through enough hell.

You know I prolly will get eyes rolling both for not figuring this out earlyer in my 16 almost 17 years of life and probly from some of you who are as hopelessly Lost as I was, But you know what I think part of the reason this site, Livejournal was made was so that you could read up on your friends experances and learn from them. So even if you roll your eyes just take the thought of knowing that others out there can benifit from this lesson, Dont just cast it aside from your memory cause diffrent things work for diffrent people.

-Loki

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Date:2004-11-23 23:58
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: accomplished

No one knows what its like,
To be the Bad man, The sad man.
Behind blue eyes,
And no one knows,
What its like to be hated,
To be Faded,
To telling Lonely Lies.

But my Dreams,
They are as empty,
As My contentious seems to be,
I'll have hours, Only lonley,
My love is vengence thats never free.

No one knows what its like to feel these feelings,
Like I do, And I blame you!
No one bites back as hard, On there anger,
None of my pain involved,
Can show through...

But my Dreams,
They are as empty,
As My contentious seems to be,
I'll have hours, Only lonley,
My love is vengence thats never free.

No one knows what its like to be defeated, Mistreated,
BEHIND BLUE EYES,
And no one knows how to say there sorry,
And dont worry, Im not tellin lies,

But my Dreams,
They are as empty,
As My contentious seems to be,
I'll have hours, Only lonley,
My love is vengence thats never free.

No one knows what its like to be the bad man,
To be the sad man,
Behind blue eyes...
--------------------------------------------------------
Limp Bizket- Behind Blue Eyes, Who knew they could do it?

I just wanna let you all know Im fine, Im sorry I said what I said.. Monday made up for it. ^_^ I went to Cats house with the gifts I'd bought. Though it was a crazy ass journey and I was tired as hell.. but hey it was worth it ^_^.
Any ways I'll do some more later and fill you in on some more stuff.

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Date:2004-11-22 00:13
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: stressed

Imagine theres no heaven,
It's easy if you try.
No hell below us,
Above us only Sky.
Imagine all the people,
Living for today.

Imagine theres no contry,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religon too.
Imagine all the people,
Living life in peace.

You may say Im a dreamer,
But Im not the only one.
I hope some day you will join us,
And the world can live as one.

Imagine all the people,
Sharing all the world.
You may say Im a dreamer,
But Im not the only one.
I hope someday you will join us,
and the world could live as one.

Imagine no possitions,
I wonder if you can.
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of Man.
Imagine all the people,
Sharing all the world.

You may say Im a dreamer,
But Im not the only one.
I hope some day you will join us,
And the world can live as one.
------------------------------------------
Imagine- A Perfect Circle. eMOTIVe Track 2

Today=FUCKED up.. I hate myself. I hate everything about myself. I dont deserve to exist... Im just going to fuck everything up for everyone...

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Date:2004-11-21 01:28
Subject:Passive
Security:Public
Mood: creative

"Dead as dead can be" The doctor tells me,
But I just cant belive him,
Ever the optimistic one, I'm sure of your ablity to become my perfect enemy.

So Wake up, And face me.
Dont play dead cause maybe someday I will walk away and say,
"You disappoint me. Maybe your better off this way."

Learning over you here cold and catatonic.
I catch a brief reflection of what you might have been,
It's your right and your ability to become my perfect enemy.

So Wake up, And face me.
Dont play dead cause maybe someday I will walk away and say,
"You disappoint me. Maybe your better off this way."
maybe your better off this way..
Maybe your better off this way...
Maybe your better off this way....
But maybe your better off this way...

So Wake up, And face me.
Dont play dead cause maybe someday I will walk away and say,
"You Fuckin disappoint me. Maybe your better off this way."

(GO)
Go ahead and play dead, I know that you can hear this.
(GO)
Go ahead and play dead, Why Cant you turn and face me?
(GO)
(WAKE)
Why cant you turn and face me?
(UP)
Why cant you turn and face me?
(WAKE)
Why cant you turn and face me?
(UP)
(YOU FUCKIN)
You Fuckin Disappont me.
Passive agressive bullshit...x11
----------------------------------------------------------------
A Perfect Cirlce, Passive- eMOTIVe Track 5

So today was... Uneventful I'd guess you'd say, Though I managed to get Cat a few gifts, I got her a couple Cds, wasnt exactly sure witch manga she liked so I got her the first book of Mega Tokyo (Hey cant go wrong with Mega Tokyo ^_^, And to behonest that was a couple days ago.) and I got myself the new APC cd, eMOTIVe and a Breaking Benjamin Cd. I've had them on my comp for a while and it was about time I actualy bought one of there cds and supported them.. Got Cat Mer De Noms and a same copy of the BB cd I grabed. My mom however kinda spoiled the moment by bitching over me buying Cds.. Cause I got two of the same and she didnt understand AFTER I had explaned to her that we were going shoping so I could find some gifts for Cat cause she Deserved it.. And well lately I havent been paying attention, and its sad to admit but I havent had any money really lately cause my dad wont give me any and she's been buying me dinner. So tomarrow night, My dad's gonna give me some cash, Ima buy her dinner and give her the gifts.

Aside from that and the main reason the song/Creativity thing is on this is because listening to the song brought a picture in my head for a music vid. This has happend before, with Haunted never wrote it down before, nor am I going to reveil much about it here, If your my friend and you live by and wanna help, or just wanna know go ahead an IM/call me I'll be happy to splain'.

-Loki your inner demon, out-

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Date:2004-11-18 10:49
Subject:
Security:Public

Hurt. Someone has hurt you badly and though you
won't show it, it has left you a hollow shell.
You are simply pretending to exist.


What's on the inside?
brought to you by Quizilla

A Rough Stretch
F:

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Hurt. Someone has hurt you badly and though you<br>won't show it, it has left you a hollow shell.<br>You are simply pretending to exist.
<br><br><font size="-1"><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/WingzofNocte/quizzes/What's%20on%20the%20inside%3F%20/">What's on the inside? </a></font><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>

<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/J/Jai16/1099440908_ughstretch.JPG" border="0" alt="A Rough Stretch"><br>F:<p align="center"><font<br>size="2"><b>You've come upon a Rough<br>Stretch. </b>Can
you make it through? You've come upon hard times.<br>Things aren't looking so good
to you and your life has seem to collapse into a<br>downward spiral. You've lost
your way and can't seem to find the right path to<br>take. You are probably
depressed and feeling lonely as you've lost sight<br>of those who love you. You may
wander through this road with a few others like you<br>and are able to comfort them
as they comfort you, but it is not enough. You've<br>lost something, maybe someone
close, and with it you lost your faith in life.<br>You're probably confused and
unsure what to do next. But the way will become<br>clear eventually. It always
does. This stretch that lies before you seems<br>never-ending and not worth
traveling. But don't let yourself fall, you may<br>have stumbled upon this,
but pick yourself up as best you can and hold on to<br>that little bit of faith you
have. The road isn't as endless as it seems. All<br>things, good and bad must come
to and end. This too shall pass and you'll be<br>amazed at what good lay beyond it
if you just find the strength within yourself to<br>try and make it. </font></p>
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/Jai16/quizzes/What%20Path%20Do%20You%20Take%20In%20Life%3F%20%5BX%5DFor%20Guys%20and%20Gals!%20Pics%20and%20Lengthy%20Results.%5BX%5D/"> <font size="-1">What Path Do You Take In Life? [X]For Guys and Gals! Pics and Lengthy Results.[X]</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>

<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/C/carmabell/1067373518_yPicturesw.jpg" border="0" alt="ex w"><br>You're a werewolf. Werewolves where mutated people<br>who would transform into wolf-like beings and<br>would lose control of themselves. Often times<br>when a little child would go out into fields in<br>Europe, they would encounter a werewolf and be<br>eaten. They had charatceristics of their human<br>selves but where usually hairy with canine like<br>teeth and strangely shaped heads when they<br>transformed. They often had bad tempers and<br>would lose control of their actions very<br>easily. They were excelent hunters though. (If<br>you cannot see the picture, go to my userpage<br>and look near the bottom. There should be the<br>picture and description for all the results)
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/carmabell/quizzes/What%20Mystical%20Creature%20Are%20You%3F%20(Pictures)/"> <font size="-1">What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures)</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>

<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/N/nekokittychi/1075175161_uizzesRain.jpg" border="0" alt="Rain"><br>Your element is Rain: Sad, lonely, distant and<br>unique. You are quite distant from emotion and<br>people, but you have been made this way by one<br>thing or another. Your are truly unique yet<br>fail to see it, and are quite creative be it in<br>art, music, writing, etc.. You used to let<br>people in now you don't even bother to try<br>having been hurt so many times in the past.<br>Your attitude is that you don't need anyone but<br>yourself, people are just trouble waiting to<br>happen. But you really do want to trust someone<br>no matter if you see it or not, deep down your<br>waiting for someone to come and set you free.<br>This kind of depression can turn dangerous,<br>don't let them get to you. Not everyone in the<br>world will hurt you, humans are humans and are<br>not perfect. So most likely sooner or later<br>you'll meet someone who feels like you do and<br>perhaps your shell will eventually disappear.
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/nekokittychi/quizzes/.%3A-%7CWhat%20is%20your%20true%20element%3F%7C-%3A.%20-With%20Anime%20Pictures%20and%20detailed%20answers-/"> <font size="-1">.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>

<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/P/prodigyofpenguin/1100365440_menterain2.jpg" border="0" alt="HASH(0x89ed370)"><br>Rain--- Guano Apes
i'm alone
can't wait until i feel your rain
so unreal
can't find another place of your rain
i believe
i still believe in your warm rain
can't sleep until i feel your rain

how can i find
Love, Faith and Trust inside of your rain
so unreal, can't find another place of your rain
i believe
i still believe in your warm rain
so untrue
help me to find through your warm rain

I send out my wishes
you gave me promises
why don't you feel the same
(I'm sad, I feel like a little child,
somebody left, there is no rain)

Oh no, i'm waiting
how about your rain?
i can't believe
i still believe in your warm rain
like in heaven
i can't wait until i feel your rain
so where's your life
who's living the rest of your life
i can't, i can't,
i can't live this life, i can't live this life

i can't see in your eyes
can't change it, no more tries
leave everyone with a smile
and you're sad, you feel like a little child
somebody's left there is no rain

I send out my wishes
you gave me promises
why don't you feel the same
(I'm sad, I feel like a little child,
somebody left, there is no rain)
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/prodigyofpenguin/quizzes/What%20song%20describes%20your%20opinion%20in%20love%3F/"> <font size="-1">What song describes your opinion in love?</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>

<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/J/Jai16/1099783200_icsnatureA.jpg" border="0" alt="Nature"><br>C:<p align="center">Your Beauty lies
in Nature. Down to earth, laid back and a natural<br>beauty. You have no need for
make-up or accessories that most others do. In fact<br>you most likely find them a
nuisance. You are probably a little tom-boyish in<br>your jeans and tees with a
great love for nature. You probably know more about<br>plants and animals than most
people and you'd rather spend your times outdoors<br>and in the sun, independent
and free. You can be a bit distant with people,<br>preferring the company of
animals over people, which isn't always the best<br>thing. You can be kind and
sweet, but not many see that side of you as you<br>often have misunderstandings
with people. You are very go-with-the-flow sort of<br>person and usually try to
avoid fights even if it means changing your opinion<br>or belief. Still, you are
you look your best actually without make-up and in<br>casual clothes. Very few can
say that. Be proud.</p>

<p align="center"><b>Some Things
That Represent You:</b></p>

<p align="center"><b>Element:</b>
Earth, Wind <b>Animal:</b> Horse <b>Color:</b><br>Green, Purple, Earth Tones <b>Song:</b>
The Memory Of Trees by Enya <b>Expression:</b> Cool<br>Smile</p>

<p align="center"><b>Gemstone:</b>
Emerald <b>Mythological Creature:</b> Fairy, Elf<br><b>Sign:</b>
Saggritarius <b>Planet:</b> Earth
<b>Hair Color:</b> Brown <b>Eye Color:</b>
Bright Green</p>

<p align="center"><b>Quote:</b>
"Horses love me. Cowboys fear me."</p>
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Date:2004-11-17 21:37
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: thoughtful

Turning his back on the Valley he so loved he walked down the path to where his destiny lies,"

Isnt it funny? How now we cant walk down the street and know that over a million people probly, and probly more then a million times have went down the street?

"He picked up his sword and carried his sheild down that path with him forever it seemed it would be his only compainions with him."

Seems that these days you can never be alone, and not have a person checking up on your Criminal record, or just trust you on face value, and if your alone well... Your defentaly a criminal. Or your going to do something Criminalisk.
And you cant carry weapons because of people's phobia's the only people trusted to carry one is a cop, because you know.. A cop is supposed to do good right? Atleast thats what I thought untill I was seven.

Why cant the world be like it was long ago? Im just tired of all the modern crap lately.. all these rules... I woke up today and because of a stupid law that states I must be in school my dad's going to get fined... Well you know what? Fuck You. You dont know how I woke up, or for that matter how hard I've been trying... I dont think you all know how stressed I get thinking of it, How much sometimes I wish I wernt born.. Ah well... I just wish times were simpler and I could get around in life by living out in the woods or something.

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Date:2004-11-17 01:04
Subject:New Icon!
Security:Public
Mood: chipper

I have a new Icon ^_^ Thanku Di!

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Date:2004-11-16 21:31
Subject:You Dont See Me...
Security:Public
Mood: drained

Threw you the obious,
and you flew with it on your back,
A name in your recolection,
Down among a million same,
Diffacult not to feel a little bit,
Disapointed, and passed over,
When I look through you, I see you naked and oblivious,
And you Dont... See... Me...
But I threw you the obious,
Just to see if theres more behind the eyes,
Of a Fallen angel, the eyes of a tragity,
Here I am expecting a little bit too much from the wounded,
But I see through it all, See through it all,
See through it all, I see you,
But I threw you the obious,
Just to see if theres more behind the eyes,
Of a Fallen angel, the eyes of a tragity,
Oh well..
Oh well...
Apperently Nothing At All...
And you dont..
You dont...
You dont...
See me...
You dont...
You dont...
You dont...
See me..
You dont...
You dont...
You dont...
See me..
You dont see me at all...
--------------------------------------
A Perfect Circle - 3 Libra's

APC is probly the only band that can make me feel any emotion towards Arisa.. And generaly thats because I feel weak and useless.
-------------------------------------------------------
Metaphore,
Full of missing moment,
Pull me into your perfect circle,
One room, One shame, One result,
Liberate this will,
To release this soul,
Gotta cut away, Clear away,
Slip away, and saranade,
And Miricals are keepin me from killin you,

And Im pullin you down with me,
I Can almost hear you scream,
One More Medicated peaceful moment,
Give me one more medicated peaceful moment,
Yeah I dont want to feel this overwhelming Hostility,x2

Gotta Cut away, Clear away,
Slip away and Saranade,
And Miricals are what,
Gotta cut away, Clear away,
Slip away and Saranade,
And Miricals are keepin me from killin you,
--------------------------------------------
A Perfect Circle - Orestes

Through these feelings however bad they are cannot destroy my happyness with Cat. *smiles* Today I did nothing but think of her, I think if I was gifted with the abilty to draw I would have, however Im not but instead I have a gift of story making, and writing in general apperently. I guess Im going to try that more offen when Im feeling creative..

Mint Incircled her arms around his neck while he sat there looking out towards the riseing sun. "Morning." He said, his eyes still on the sunset. "Morning." Mint said with a smile on her face. He turned his look on to her emerald green eyes, and her smile witch was warmer then the new days sun. He couldnt help but smile back at her as he took her into his arms and lean back as she kissed him.

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Date:2004-11-16 00:56
Subject:Sleep=Valhalla=Mead with Odin=Cat's a Valkyrie?
Security:Public
Mood: curious

Lay beside me,
Tell me what they've done,
Speak the words out at here,
To make my feelings run,
The door is locked now,
But its open if your true,
If you can understand the me,
Then I can understand the you.

Lay beside me,
Under wicked sky,
Black of day,
Dark of night,
We share this paradise,
The door cracks open,
But theres no sun shining threw,
Like hot scaring darker still,
But theres no sun shining threw,
No theres no sun shining,

What I've felt, What I've know,
Turn the Pages, Turn to stone,
Behind the door, should I open it for you?
What I've felt, What I've know,
Sick and tired I stand alone,
Could you be there?
Cause Im the one who waits for you,
Or are you unforgiven too?

Come lay beside me,
This wont hurt I swear,
She loves me not, She loves me still,
But she'll never love again
She lay beside me,
But she'll be there when Im gone,
Like dark hot scaring it darker still,
Yeah She'll be there when Im gone,
She'll be there when Im gone, Dead sure she'll be there.

What I've felt, What I've know,
Turn the Pages, Turn to stone,
Behind the door, should I open it for you?
What I've felt, What I've know,
Sick and tired I stand alone,
Could you be there?
Cause Im the one who waits for you,
Or are you unforgiven too?

Lay beside me,
Tell me what I've done,
The door is closed to all our eyes,
But now I see the sun
Now I see the sun
Yes Now I see it...

What I've felt, What I've know,
Turn the Pages, Turn to stone,
Behind the door, should I open it for you?
What I've felt, What I've know,
Sick and tired I stand alone,
Could you be there?
Cause Im the one who waits for you, The one who waits for you,
Or are you unforgiven too? x3
I take this key and I burry it and you,
Because your unforgiven Too...
--------------------------------------
Unforgiven II- Metallica

Ok for some of you this is old news, I had an interesting dream of Feasting with Odin and battling evil with my brothers in Arms.. And for some reason Cat was a Valkyrie, o_O;.. "Great indeed are the forces that Odin assembled" I remeber saying to myself, Cat had appeared behind me and wraped her arms around my neck looking down at the battle feild of our slain enemy, none of the Wounded/dieing were ours, "Yes indeed, My Husband." She said quitely into my ear, And Cat was my battle Maiden, yet for some reason she also was my wife and had taken my ring and we had been wedded short before Ragnarok. The fateful day that the Gods died, and the Tree Ygdrassil burned and fell to the ground, It felt like I was there.. I still remeber feeling the flames as it came down, the fires burned so intensly that I felt it as it came down upon Surtur himself. Who knows.. Maybe I was just feeling the heat of the sun... I remeber the angush seeing my brothers fall, My strokes becoming harder, truer, untill I fell in battle. I remeber my last breaths before waking, Looking across from me as Cat herself hit the ground. Tears forming both from pain, and loss, in my eyes bluring the picture as with my last strenght reached out to grab her hand, she did the same and we met hands, she smiled and then closed her eyes, a tear streaming down her proud face, then the world seemed to go far away, and Again I was in the Hall with Odin feasting and drinking mead with my beautiful wife.

Heh.. Maybe I should start writing storys about it. *Shrugs* Its interesting enough yeah?

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Date:2004-11-13 12:36
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: mellow

I've tried to take this all just one step at a time,
I try to reason why I feel this way inside,
I get so loney that I feel like I have died,
I thought Angels never learn said goodbye.

I've felt emotions I've never felt before,
Felt such devotion that it spilled across the floor,
Now Im so Empty theres nothing left to hide,
I thougth Angels never learned to say goodbye.

I've got to find you and remind you how it is,
My life been shattered but inside my love exists,
Now Im so Frightened, So afraid to Die,
I thought Angels never learned to say Goodbye,
Angels....
Angels.....
Angels......
Now Im so loney, so afraid to die,
Cause now I know that only angels say goodbye.
----------------------------------------------

Cat dislikes you because of what you've done to me. She dislikes you because not only did you nearly kill yourself, but nearly killed me in the process. She Hates you because you'd never try. She Hates you because all your memorys bring me are nights I spent in bed trying to sleep worried that I wouldnt hear from you again that I got me on an unhealthy sleeping pattern. She hates you Arisa because you fucked up my life. And not only does this Harmful relationship hurt you still, but me aswell. There will be times where I'll sit there and be happy, and then something will remind me of you and then I'll close in. She hates it that you made me this way. Here we say that your getting better but I guess its all just a joke wasnt it? Or was it just a desperit ploy to get me back into your life? And yes I did Tell you why, I said and quote "I just need sometime to myself, So I can go back to the way I was, So I Can Continue to be the way I am, I just need to repair." But that wasnt good enough, Everyday you'd ask me why we couldnt never leaving me alone, Again your mistake not mine..

Past is past. Present is now. If I continue to live in the past then I will not grow, And the same goes for everyone. Its something that I've tried to make Arisa see. Just because you may have been raped as a child doesnt mean that It will happen again. Just because you had a fucked up time with Andrew doesnt mean that Everyone will cheat on you. Hell you turned around and did the same thing to someone else didnt you? Mistakes... And the funnest thing is, The only true mistake you've made is the fact that you wont fight to feel, you've given up. Anyways, what I was trying to politely say before is not to comment on my Journal in yours. Its my place to write what I feel, if you have something to write about it, Comment me on it. Leave my space alone as I try to respect you and do the same.

In other things, Im rping with some of these people I found online, its fun. Last night we had a Good vs Evil vs The Inbetween, Well you all know what I am, a fallen angel so I was the inbetween ^_^ Loki Nicobrace.

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Date:2004-11-12 20:16
Subject:Nothing Will Stand In my Path.
Security:Public
Mood:Feeling

Lies, Betrayls, Pain (*laughs* Oh Pain.. Plenty of that so far), Anger, Emotions. These have all gotten in my path, Everytime I fell back on them and told myself that I didnt have to do other things because I should just injoy myself because of the other things I've went through. I Asked myself why I couldnt just injoy life instead of despising it so. And I let these feelings fall on me, and instead of just getting up, dusting myself off, I held on to them and hated God that I had to feel them. Then I remeber why I started acting like this. God.. Honestly, Honest to God all I want is Freedom from them. And so that is why I am taking the steps I am taking, I know a few of my friends know how bad of a depression I went through. Hell Cat knew how bad of a depression I went through when she looked into my eyes for the first time. I tried to hide it but everything came crashing down. My friends at school never saw me after that. Didnt see how bad I got. And when I bumped into them out of school. Well the mask would go back on and I'd be "happy" again.

But no.. I remeber. I remeber how it all is. I've told myself these lies. These stupid things to hide. Well no more.. No more. Arisa, Im adressing to you clearly. I remeber those dates. It was when I told you no more. But what did you do? Anything but remeber? Even when I told you I needed time to myself you asked me why, I told you why, I told you I needed time to myself so I could go back to being normal.. Jesus I look in this journal and I cant belive how obessed over you I was. I want to know who I was... Cause that sure as hell wasnt me. I dont know how I fell down this hole, or Why Im in it.. But I know I sure as hell am going to climb out of it. And Im not going to let you kick dirt into my face as I try. You've had your chance. I've offered you my hand, and you slaped it away. Its over now. I dont talk to you anymore because all you can offer to me is more pain. Im no longer going to take it. "Dont you, KNOW! I cant tell you how to make it GO! No matter what I do, how hard I TRY!, I cant seem to convince myself WHY! Im stuck on the outside..." And thanks by the way Arisa, for holding Cat's promise. Im sure she'll be happy you let her tell me. I heard about it. And we aggreed that she wouldnt do it anymore. See this is what a real relationship is about, Finding problems and working them out. Im not going to sit here and be weak any longer, theres nothing anymore That I feel for you, You've killed my feelings for you, blackened our friendship, And when I tried to move along, You tried ruining that chance. Unfortanily with Cat you never had that chance did you? And think.. All of this could have been averted if you'd had just left me alone to recover. Your mistake.. Not mine.

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Date:2004-11-10 18:30
Subject:Part 3
Security:Public
Mood: calm

I wanted you to know,
I love the way you laugh,
I want to hold you high,
And steal your pain away,
I keep your photograph,
And I know it serves me well,
I want to hold you high,
And steal your pain,

Cuz Im broken,
When Im lonesome,
And I dont feel right,
When your gone away,

You've gone away, You dont feel me,
Anymore...

The worse is over now,
And we can breath again,
I want you to hold me high,
And steal my pain away,
Theres so much more to learn,
And no one left to fight,
I want to hold you high
and steal your pain,

Cause Im broken, When Im mopen,
And I dont feel like Im strong enough,
Cause Im broken when Im lonesome,
And I dont feel right,
When your gone away...

--------------------
Song o' the moment.
Seether and Amy Lee Broken.

So yeah Im home now... And yeah.. Im just doin whatever. So, back to the story.

About a week later we desided to go out on a date, and then I told some of you about how I felt. Some reacted nicely, a few others reacted poorly. But that was to be expected. Funny how people are. Really. Anyways Our second date witch was about two weeks later, was where we really hit it off...

Into the Woods: Anyone seen it? Its kinda like.. I dunno Think Grims Fairy Tales mixed with all of them, Cause its really funny, but at the end praticly everyone ends up getting eaten, or killed by a Giant. You know.. Jack and the Beanstalk? *Shrugs* anyways its what happened after the show that mattered the most. We were waiting around for our perents to pick us up We wandered away from the crowd and thats when I had my first kiss. *smiles* My first actual kiss... Kinda pathetic.. I know.. But its only because I've had two relationships in middle school that I wasnt really ready for, and then the other ones have been online. Anyways I dont think there was a moment where I was more worried in my life. Especaly when she broke the kiss quickly. I thought for sure I was going to hear that old line from all those movies involving Teens. You know how the girl looks with a unsiritian look on her face, and then gives the guy the "I think we should just be friends" and then never talks to him again? Yeah.... I had one of those cause thats what happened, sorta, I got the look. And then a burst of happiness that I dont think could be topped by anything else. As she pressed her lips back to mine and I wraped my arms around her bringing her closer to me. It felt like Rapture, pure and simple Rapture... It felt like no matter how much my soul had went through was just for that moment of happiness..

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Date:2004-11-10 13:05
Subject:Part 2
Security:Public
Mood: amused

Don't fret precious I'm here
Step away from the window
And go back to sleep

Lay your head down child
I won't let the boogeyman come
Count the bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums
Pay no mind to the rabble
Pay no mind to the rabble
Head down, go to sleep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Pay no mind what other voices say
They don't care about you
Like I do, like I do
Safe from pain and truth and choice
And other poison devils
See, they don't give a fuck about you
Like I do
Just stay with me
Safe and ignorant
Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep

Lay your head down child
I won't let the boogeyman come
Count the bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums
Pay no mind to the rabble
Pay no mind to the rabble
Head down, go to sleep
To the rhythm of the war drums

I'll be the one to protect you from
Your enemies and all your demons
I'll be the one to protect you from
A will to survive and a voice of reason
I'll be the one to protect you from
Your enemies and your choices, son
They're one and the same
I must isolate you
Isolate and save you from yourself

Swayin' to the rhythm of the new world order
Count the bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drum
The boogeymen comin'
The boogeymen comin'
Keep your head down
Go to sleep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Stay with me
Safe and ignorant
Just stay with me
I'll hold you and protect you from the other ones
The evil ones
Don't love you son
Go back to sleep

-------------------------

Back in Digi Imagi, We're working on a Cd cover, And Arisa.. Im not the only one with a journal that can be read...

Anyways on with what I was saying,
APR,
So she finaly gets around to going to cosplay.com and she finds my sn, and of corse my sn at the time was odd, it being miss spelled she spelled it correctly, but yes, *cough* She IMs me I get her phone number and we talk, after spending 5 days of talking of the phone with eachother for about 2 hours we arrange to meet again. Well interesting thing was we ended up being an hour late because my mom told me that we would have enough time to go over to her house a good half an hour And we had to pick up John, Ahwell better late then never.
So we met up at Joann's and then walked around the mall for a bit, I also met her friend Tailor, and she met my buddy John. Corse around the time we got there the mall was closing for some odd reason on a saterday around 8 O_o;; from there we walked over to Borders and read some manga, books and looked at Cds, While we were there she hugged me and I hugged back, and we didnt let go till our perents came by.. Of corse my mother had been talking to hers and said how "Good of a boy I am" I dont really mind it.. but what bothered me was when she called me a "Knife weilding Psyco with a Good will." I kinda fell apart. I should have never given her my knife to hold.. Well despite that, Cats mom liked me and it looked like we were going to be seeing more of eachother. But I had something to show her, I pulled her off to the side let her down a row of books and found Wizards First Rule. She said after reading the back that it looked really good and that she felt bad that she didnt have any money and that she couldnt buy it. Well I being the good man I am said "Dont worry about it, I'll get it for you." Smiling she blushed. For a good minute and a half we looked at eachother with a blush and a smile. I would guess you'd call it one of those chibi anime moments. Well the moment was broken by her mother, and God I gotta go again.. alright I'll be back... *grumble*

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Date:2004-11-08 14:14
Subject:Part One
Security:Public
Mood: tired

Ah Hold me Now I feel Contagious,
Am I the only place you've left to go?
She crys her life is like,
Some movie black and white,
Dead actor's faking lines,
Over and over and over again she crys,
Dont fall away,
And leave me to myself,
Dont fall away,
And leave love bleeding in my hands
In my hands again,
In my hands,
Love lies bleedin...
--------------------
Song of the moment.

Anyways Im sorry I havent been keeping up with this thing.. Its hard when your IE wont work.. So Im at school right now trying to type while watching for the princable who randomly came into our room... Well Maybe I should update you all of whats happend this past.. Oh God what? 6-11 months I have'nt typed? Theres been a couple huge changes in my life lately, Luckly a few of them have been nice. Few others Negative. But thats life right? Lets see... Ah yes.. Lets go to when I first met Cat.
DEC
It was funny me and Adam had met up at Borders once again, Dissed Barns and Noble because the people stared at us.. So we desided that we were going to blow the place up. Lol, Well not really but we just wish there was a way we could make the place go away, and all its nosey/basterific Rich people who go there and stare at you because your diffrent. Anyways It was one of the times we ran into eachother and we just were hanging out, I Desided I wanted to read some Manga, and we walked over to the area, well we were talking and Adam says somethin along the lines of "These things are weird because there backwards and I dont always get how to read them." I was about to say something when this girl across from us, who previously had glared and tried to scare us off.. However little did she know that we wernt intimadated at all. "Yeah, there weird at first but then you get used to them." Ofcorse me being me, now seeing the girl wasnt as hostile as she first had appeared desided to make conversation with her. Her father however walked up and glared at us with the eyes that said by Adam said later "Dont you fuckin look at my daugter you fucking rejects, I'll stab your fucking eyes out! *makes many hand staby movements*" Despite it I ran up and gave her my cosplay.com sn and hoped that she would find me.. Well four months later she did.. *laughs*

Eh its nearly time to go.. So I guess Ima leave it here and come back another time. Stay tuned!

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